Driving with Earl

 Earl was a slow driver.  Not cautious, mind you, but slow.  He never drove over 20 miles per hour on the highway and was much slower while driving through town.  I remember many times where I would slouch down as low as possible so that I could not be seen by my friends.  Earl would never let anyone else drive.  He said that we drove too damned fast.  Any speed about 20 mph was too damned fast in his book.

          Earl would drive down the center of the two lanes that extended through town while numerous citizens crept parade fashion behind him.  I am sure they prayed to every god imaginable that Earl would turn off the road SOON!

          Turn lanes and emergency lanes were open game for Earl.  Anyone going the opposite direction was required to avoid him.  And heaven help us all if he decided to light a cigarette!

         The highway was scarier.  I remember several times when I fastened my seatbelt tightly  and prayed that I would get from here to there alive.  He would often drift into the oncoming traffic lane with no regard whatsoever to the large diesel Mack Trucks hauling ash from the power plant.  One memorable time, Earl drifted into the oncoming traffic and while I promised to give my first born child like Abraham and Isaac, the large truck passed by us in the lane we were supposed to be in.

          When there were more than two people in the cab, one of us would often slide his left foot down to the gas pedal and slowly depress the pedal until we were cruising at 55-60 mph.  In hindsight, this wasn’t the smartest thing to do, especially with Earl’s drifting tendencies.  But it was absolutely necessary on those days that we were trying to get home for a date or a ball game.  I doubt that the excuse “I was riding with Earl!” would have gone over too well with our dates.

          Earl drove as slow as molasses in January up until his last days.  One year, the high school yearbook featured a top ten list of tardiness excuses.  Number One on the list was “I got stuck driving behind Earl Platt!”